The Rants & Rave of a Fool!

December 20, 2011

OK, so this must belong to an Emo…

Filed under: Uncategorized — foolishone @ 6:16 am

the only time I seem to post is when I’m upset. Believe me friends, I’m not sad or emotional everyday and I sure have no wish for death or to bring misery to this world, however, here I am again, writing on my blog because I’ve lost someone very special!

Tami Lewis-Benson has passsed away, 12-10-11 to my knowledge. She died after a 7 week bout with Cancer. She lived 51 years of life and ended it with a trip to Italy with her husband and Mother/Father.  She came home, wasn’t feeling well and quickly left the courts. All I know is that my friend wasn’t well and for the remaining time of her life they tried to find out why. What was going on, who was doing what and how things were finally discovered aren’t as important as the fact that they did find out with enough time for her to say her goodbyes to her family. You can thank whatever god you believe in for that. Tami was so wonderful that she deserved the opportunity for those last few days.

We attended the funeral, of which she requested a “Celebration of Life” . Just knowing my friend was a celebration. She was so happy, willing to contribute and gave everything she had to everyone she knew. She invested herself 110%. What an amazing woman to take away from this world. It seemed that the world itself was sad with her passing. The sky was gloomy and cloudy from the day she died until after 400+ people laughed during her ceremony and then the sun came out. The world was once again relieved of its pain and although this didn’t bring my friend back, it was comforting to us after sharing this common time.

Tami was my friend. I’ll never forget her and I will think of her whenever the opportunity arises. I made the following video for her. it turned out pretty good and given more time, better pictures and more songs, I could have really gone to town but I wanted it done by the morning of the funeral. This is the Tami I knew…

 

 

June 28, 2011

lets start again… again

Filed under: Uncategorized — foolishone @ 4:02 pm

ok, so I’ve written a few times since my last post “Dear Mom”. I didn’t publish them because, lets face it, how do you go on without your mom? I’ve never had a dad, so I’ve moved in a few guys to fill that spot, with or without their permission.

Walter Royston, the first dad I really knew. He taught me how to chew with my mouth closed, not to put my elbows on the table and to try and take care of my stuff. He had socks and underwear older than I was?  These ideals enforced with some type of physical violence (a.k.a. child abuse) yet I still have a feeling of love or caring when I think of him. I remember living with him across the street from Sparks High School in Sparks Nv and then behind the Pepper Mill in Reno, Nv. The lessons I learned were valuable and basic common sense that children don’t realize when they are young. I actually looked for him a couple of times via the internet. I probably could have looked harder, using $$$, but I didn’t. I bet he has some old pictures I would like, or at least I hope he does if he is still alive. Then again, I remember the time he crushed my mom’s ankle and abuse she took being with him. I used to be angry and want to go find him and treat him the way he treated my mom but that has faded. She is gone and if he was still around, I’d feel a bit safer because although he was an abusive asshole, he was my first dad and now that my mom is gone, I’d like to see him.

My mom wasn’t the type to date left and right or be some type of ho that had another guy everytime the last relationship ended. I don’t know any other romantic relationship my mom had, althoug I’m sure there were. I remember living in a VERY small studio apartment behind Bob & Gina’s house. One night she came home and went into the bathroom. I could hear her crying and when she opened the door I could see that her shirt and bra were ripped and her mascara was running. She had been mugged in Reno and she told me that after that ordeal the police made her find her own way home. From what she says and what I know of Reno, she had to go 10+ miles before she made it home and could be alone to let out the fear and emotion she held in.This memory still haunts me to this day. I was only a little boy, maybe 6, but I remember wishing I could protect my mommy. I remember wishing I could have been there to drive her home safe and sound. Those days are gone. Now, after all that has happened, I just miss her and wish that I had been a better son for so many other reasons…

getting back to the dad thing…

Dave Tarabini, a cool guy that was in love with a single mom I had met. He was a really mellow guy who loved his lady and took care of her family. Maybe more of a brother, but still a father figure that I admired. He lent me some nice clothes to wear to a high school dance, I didn’t belong but that is another story, so I’ve kinda felt like he was a dad type to me. Lets not mention that now, as I write this, he has 5 of his own children + 2 more step kids.

my old boss Wayne, who apparently had some type of episode or breakdown that really fucked him up. He was a cool guy that seem to have his shit together. I worked for him for about 5 years. I really admired him. He was responsible, smart and took care of his daugher. Why would something so crappy happen to him? I wonder what did happen to him? The last time I saw him was at Club Calpella and something was really wrong with him. I can only imagine that something really bad happened, something so terrible that he couldnt’ deal with it and now he’s on permanent valium? I learned how to work hard and do your best from him. I learned that you work hard and do your best because it means something to someone. I hope whatever happened, he is ok and that his life is liveable and he is happy!

I’m out of steam but I think this post will suffice. I still feel sad and cry when I think of my mom but that should be normal. God Knows how much I love my mom, I hope she does too. I didn’t do what she asked, I didn’t listen to what she said but I did love her with all of my heart and now that she is gone I think I’m trying to find the next best thing.

Someday Brandy & I will do what you asked and I will have a final resting place to think of you at. Till then, we’ll keep on keeping on.

To clarify, my actual father’s name is suppsed to be “Melvin Emert”? A married man who thought he’d have an affair with a cocktail waitress from a casino in Sparks? The details are vague and I really don’t know the whole truth. What I’ve been told is that he already had a family and may have actually met me a time or two. In my eyes he is some type of jerk that didn’t take care of his responsibility so fuck him! Is this the truth, who really knows anymore..

The End!

April 2, 2011

Dear mom…

Filed under: Uncategorized — foolishone @ 8:58 pm

You died on a rainy and cold Wednesday. It was March 23rd. I had to do some banking after work and I was upset because you told them to stop treating you so I went next door to my bank and had a beer. Once I had a moment to calm down, I call Veronica and told her that we had to go to Ukiah to see you again. For the last 10 years you’ve been horribly sick and every time you went to the hospital I came running. This time I told V not to get off early but to come straight home so we could go to Ukiah and see you. You’d be happy to know my wife didn’t listen to me and got off work almost immediately to come home and get me. This time I was too late, this time things were as serious as I had worried all those times before. At 5:09pm, as V and I were driving through Healdsburg, Brandy sent me a text message “She’s Gone”. You left without me. I should have stayed the night, taken a day off work but you’ve been sick for so long and every time you bounced back. I had imagined your death many times but each time I was there, I was holding your hand and you knew how much I loved you. I never imagined you’d just die, asleep on morphine, not knowing that your children loved you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there Mom. I do love you! There isn’t anymore more important to me. You just always seemed so disappointed with me. I did what I could do to make things better for us everyday. I work non stop, I do what I think is right towards everyone and everything but there I was, on Highway 101 when you died.

Today, April 2nd, is a beautiful and sunny day in which Brandy opened her home to people to come pay their last respects. I counted 17 candles lit for you. I didn’t say a prayer as much as I thought of you and tried to send you my love. Your body is now in a dictionary sized box, sitting in Brandy’s living room. Her friend mentioned chunks in the box, god that is gross! You baby girl is being so strong mom. it must be hard to have you there, like that, and know she’s never going to see you again. She took care of you, took you places and gave you love you needed so much then. I feel guilty. I tried to work, make a life for myself and I didn’t see you enough. I guess I have always been pretty selfish but I thought you’d understand? Today, I played tennis with a good friend. I really needed to let off some steam and it would only make me a little late for Brandy’s house. I didn’t want to go. I don’t want to say good bye to you with a bunch of strange people I neither know or care for. Everytime I think of you, I say goodbye. I’ve been saying goodbye for 10 years. I’ve known what was wrong would never be fixed, I just didn’t realize you would leave with out me? You were always so strong, stubborn as well, and I know that Brandy & I are the most important things to you. I thought you’d hold out, regardless, to make sure to see us one more time before you left. I guess that was what you did the night before? You held out, kept your wits as much as possible and then after kissing your kids, you gave up.

Do you remember when I was a little boy and I would promise that I would be a rich lawyer and buy you a limo with a driver so you wouldn’t have to work or drive yourself around. I’m sorry i didn’t keep that promise. I’m sorry I didn’t make your life the way I always dreamed. You lived a horrible life over the last 10 years and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it better. I know that Danni-Rae, Geraldine, Kylie and Jacob made your life a bit better. I hope you keep a close eye on them! Danni especially! We wont’ raise our kids the way you raised us, we’ll do things differently and they won’t know the things we knew as children, but they could still use a little angel on their shoulders helping them do the right thing and not get in too deep.

You know, Kay Frances, if there is a heaven, you better be there. Life was too tough on you not to be. You were so beautiful before we came along and aged you so quickly. I hope we can find some more pictures of you as a young person. The one we have is so nice but you’re not looking at the camera, you’re looking down. I’ll have to check with the school you graduated and see if we can get a yearbook or at least a copy of the pictures of you, if there are any. When I die, there will only be one lame picture of me as a freshman and no others.

I feel a bit better after typing this rambling mess. I have to really concentrate on you to let out the emotions I’m feeling of you being gone. No one is happy you died but I am so relieved you aren’t hurting anymore! I can remember one of the first times you got sick and I thought I lost you. Veronica held me while I cried that I didn’t want you to die. I still want you here mom, but not as you were. You hated life. You couldn’t work, you coudlnt’ take care of the kids, you couldn’t even read the books you so loved our entire lives. Not saying “Harlequin” romance novels were the literary master pieces of your time, but they made you happy and that is all that matters. I can still smell the “Taboo” perfume you would wear and see those silly waitress aprons for places like Henny Penny when it was still the truckstop. Lisa, as well as I, can remember going to Landrums (sp?) to work with you all night. I can still picture doing dishes in the back while you cooked and helped customers. When did you start coughing all time? When were you suddenly an old lady who had to work from dusk till dawn, through the following days dawn?

The weekend after you died, Cathy Sissy Becky & Lisa came to be with us. That was a big BLAH that involved too much alcohol, emotions on the edge and insults unforgiven. It seems our family doesn’t mix well and that we all went our separate ways to avoid being hurtful to each other? Your big sister, along with your little ones, love you so much. I really wish you would have spoken with Cathy one more time. You were so damn stubborn. I understand that you were mad at her when she told you to go home when Grandma was dying, I didn’t find that very impressive either, but we were your only chance to get home without mooching off of them. I called Lisa, trying to get phone numbers, so if you would just wake up one more time, I could get them on the phone and you could tell them all you loved them. You must have know because you weren’t waiting for me, you were getting out of dodge before you had to talk to them and realize how scare you were to leave.

I’ll keep an eye on Brandy and the kids but Robbie has got them well in hand so please don’t worry. Geraldine could use your gentle touch from time to time but I’ll do what I can as well. As for me & V, we’re just glad you’re not suffering anymore so don’t worry about us. She takes good care of me mom, like you did when i was a kid, so give Grandma and the other fam a hug from me. I’ll see you guys someday and I hope when i do, you’ll be proud

I love you Kay Frances Warren. Rest in peace.

EDIT 06/28/11
How could you not say goodbye to your only son?

January 11, 2011

2011 Here we come…

Filed under: 40k,Doubles,Family,League,Singles,Tennis,Tournament,Vacation — foolishone @ 9:49 am

Quick recap of 2010.. G turned 9, V turned 28, I turned 33. V and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We went to DisneyWorld with the Wongs. I captained 2 teams (6.0 Mixed went to districts, 6.5 men went to Solano Co). Joined a 3.0 Men’s team in Marin (TPC) that were the total underdogs and went to Distrcits (had I lived up to my rep we would have made it to Sectionals). I’ve won multiple 2.5 tournaments, lost even more 3.0′s, while V took on the 4.5. We were USTA NorCal POY (2.5 Men’s singles & 4.5 Women’s Doubles). Spent Thanksgiving with my family (very dysfunctional) Spent Christmas with her family (loads of driving, fun, wine and relaxation) and spent NYE with the Wongs (lots of food, plenty of wine and relaxation).

2011 Tennis is very exciting so far. Taking Friday night lessons with Tami, Don, Laura and Brian at the indoor court. V’s taking weekly lessons from Luke. I’m captaining a very strong 6.0 mixed team, playing on a 7.0 team and Captaining an 8.0 mixed team as well. Upcoming tournaments include Fairfiled, San Leandro, Sacramento, and of course, Reno. Don has agreed to be my 3.5 men’s doubles partner, hope that works out, while I’m playing the 7.0 mixed with his lovely wife!

I’ve recently gotten back into 40k, which I greatly enjoy playing! I’m considering painting up more models for the wonderful army greg painted. It will be tought but I think i have a better understanding of painting and how I can get close to matching the current stuff. Jeff & I just rocked a 10k apoc game which was awesome! I have even rejoined the PotN for their 3rd Saturday of the month play at the Cotati’s Vet’s hall.

The Wong boys (blain included) have gotten me back into my xbox 360 and I’m even playing FPS’s, which I never thought I’d do on a console machine. Call of Duty Modern warfare 2 & Black Ops are two of my favorite games. I beat Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II in a matter of hours.

Still working at Cambium Learning for Perfect Timing while V is working for Kendall Jackson. We can honestly say these jobs are not ideal but they are allowing a bit of freedom neither of us have know before. V & her mom are insisting I return to school and they are absolutely right! I need to get a decent education and a follow up carreer so V can raise our 14 children and play tennis during the day!

Over all, I see 2011 (and beyond) looking very promising. We’ll see what happens between now and my next post.

Happy New Year to whomever reads this!!!

October 6, 2010

Give away money = Big Hearted?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — foolishone @ 9:25 am

I’m a bit confused on how having a big heart is based on giving even more money away to other people? “a buck” times the MILLIONS of charities constantly bombarding you with requests from every possible angle adds up to a lot.

Is this more important than contributing to Children’s Hospital of Oakland, whom saved Jacob’s life? Is it more important to the multitude of Breast Cancer research (this being Breast Cancer Awareness Month) whom could save my wife, sister, daughter, neices or friends?

Why is it the $30,000 in taxes my wife and I paid last year not enough to be considered “big hearted”? This money is to take care of homeless, sick and hungry people who constantly squander the assistance they say they need because they are too lazy to get a job and take care of themselves and their families? Not to mention the overpaid and underworked government employees.

It’s very sad about my Aunt Cissy’s friend but between the State of Washington and the remaining family, they should be able to work through this tough time.

were I a coffee shop intellectual like most of my friends, I could go on but I’ve vented enough and instead of putting it on facebook to insult those whom judge me with their ignorant statement’s, Iput it here where only I normally read!
/rant

August 8, 2010

Nevada State Junior Open

Filed under: Family,Singles,Tennis,Tournament — foolishone @ 8:42 pm

This weekend I had the privilage to be apart of a tournament that is more than just some adults getting together to flex their old muscles and attempt to compete over some random junk trophy. This weekend I took 11 – 16 childredn to Reno Nv to play a fun game vs other kids who are just as talented and share in their individual experience and persona.

I’m not sure if that made sense but I will tell you this, regardless of level the kids that attended this tournament all played their best and then showed what they have learned.

Let’s get back to day one, Thursday August 5th…
I was so excited to take these kids to Reno! At the beginning of the day I had to work, but I was happy having something to look forward to. Both Alec and Joshie are my little buddies but I was excited to see Curt and the other guys Alec is close to. Finally I was off work to meet up with the kids.

I caught the bus just after 3pm, trust me it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, to reach La Canterra by about 20 minutes after 3pm. I walked up the long driveway to meet the kids. Upon entering the grounds I did not see a van. Going into the club houe I did meet the majority of the kids.

Let’s see if I can remember all their names… it’s easier to mention them in groups… Alec’s buddies are Mad Max of Newman Doom, Dylan “the good guy” Tasker and Curt “Stay Cool” Fischer. Let’s bring in Miriam, Carli, Taylor, Mariah and Jackie, A.K.A “The Girls”

Now, “the boys”. Peter, Encore, Daniel, Matt, Stewart Cole and

Good Ol Herby…

Filed under: Family — foolishone @ 7:53 pm

OK, so I got on to blog about my weekend in reno. Due to technical malfunctions, herby is all I have while watching “Merlin” on my MAC Mini.

I just wanted to share with you guys that old Herby has a great monitor and is running XP like  a champ. Thanks Herby, I’m sorry you’re only an iPhone charger for V these days buddy!

Onto the blog I came to do…

August 5, 2010

Low Rating Scum!

Filed under: Singles,Tennis,Tournament — foolishone @ 9:46 am

This will be quick, so i don’t spam up other posts complaining about this…

When I signed up for the USTA I had not played a single match and had no training. I did understand the game a bit so I self rated as a 2.5. Now, a year later I feel a bit bad about continuing to try to play at that level but looking back, I havn’t done anything to show improvement enough to rate higher. I do play a lot of 3.0 Singles and get slaughtered and have now lost 2, 2.5 tournaments UGH!

My first loss was too a decent player but maybe not quite the 3.0 level. He did play well and I rose to the occassion but the scores were close and it involved a 3rd set so although i lost, I didn’t feel as if this guy was low rating himself for easy wins.

Santa Clara comes along, Dan Diaz and I were all set for that one and some unknown comes into the picture. he was even removed from the tournament for a questionable rating, or lack there of, but was replaced after “his coach called in and vouched for his 2.5 rating”, his words, not my assumption.

According to the USTA’s website, “2.5 You are learning to judge where the ball is going, although your court coverage is limited.  You can sustain a short rally of slow pace with other players of the same ability.”

This guys wasn’t learning anything, while he was hitting down the line passing shots on me. Winning 6-4 6-1 and then beating Dan 6-1 6-1. 3.0 players don’t beat me like that unless they have lots of experience and are normally the person who  won, if not a finalist. He low rated himself so that he could enjoy winning instead of competitive and fair play. New players, even one as experienced as I am now, do not enjoy cheaters or sand baggers who low rate themselves so they can get easy wins. Thats like being a high schooler and beating up on elementary students. UGH!

The next time I see this guy, I’m not only going to destroy him but I’m going to put the fear of god in him. I’m already pumping up my top spin hits, I have V set to help me work on my top spin lobs, side angles and i will be working with Luke on how to hit the overhead from behind the service line. I would rather hold him while letting Dan beat his face in because he really took away our ability to enjoy that tournament.

I asked the judges to give my 2nd place award to Dan, hoping to raise his spririts but he has already told me he is going to avoid tournaments fora while. At 2.5 you shouldn’t be beaten that badly, it’s demoralizing, and I dont’ want tosee the guy stop playing because of it.

As for me, I’m looking forward to 3.0C in December. I’m confident I will have a very good 2011 year and will be entering every tournament I can, especially all of the Grand Slams, to get 3.0 Player of the Year and hopefully win the Grand Prix in 2011. This year I’m going for that at 2.5, if I dont’ get bumped early?

June 29, 2010

Pre Napa Valley Classic

Filed under: Tennis — foolishone @ 8:47 am

the upcoming Napa Valley Classic is a Grand Slam event. This means that winners receive double the standard Grand Prix points. This is exciting because I am entered into 3.0 Men’s Singles & 3.0 Mixed Doubles (with Robin Olson). A win in either will put in the running for a Grand Prix slot, provided I continue to play that level and win, otherwise 2000 points won’t be worth diddly in October.

It’s going to be quite the weekend. Nick & Danielle are coming to stay with us Friday, Saturday & Sunday night. We have a huge birthday party on Saturday and let’s not forget that I know a large chunk of the players in this tournament, so I want to root them on and see them win!

I’m also hoping to borrow Nancy’s camera so i can get some exciting action shots. I hope someone takes some of me, I’d like to post something other than that shot from Florida with my gut hanging out, ugh! Thanks Steve! hee he hee!

I haven’t played since last Thursday, it was a bad night so I’ve kinda lost that loving feeling but I’m hoping to rally with V tonight, maybe work on return of serve. I need to get that forward momentum going at that serve and so I need to work on timing. I think that motion, as poorly described as I did, would help V’s game too but if the serve is coming at you that fast and you’re moving forward, that is gonna take a lot of timing!

June 28, 2010

The Yuba City & Gilroy Disaster

Filed under: Tennis — foolishone @ 10:38 am

the weekend of June 26th was to be quite the time! I was going to Yuba City to play in a 2.5 match and hang out with Nick & Danielle. The wife was off to Gilroy for a 4.5 tournament with the Wong’s. Simple enough…

The coordinator of the Yuba City tournament wasn’t willing to play 2, 2.5 players and wanted us to play up. My opponent said yes while I was not having it. I only split from my group (v & the wongs) because this would affect my 2.5  GP points. I was quite surprised to find a tournament coordinator requesting 2.5′s play up, the last one I dealt with was happy to help new players get into their tournament. anyways, that refund is pending!

Now, Gilroy is closed but I email the coordinator about that. he replies stating it’s past the date and they are already working on the schedule. I wasn’t excited by his respone, adding one more 3.0 wouldn’t be a problem for anyone else, but accepted it. Looks like no tournament for me, that sucked.

The draws come out less than 48 hours to the tournament and the coordinator has V & Blain playing at 6pm on a friday afternoon. It takes us 3 hours to get there, give or take basedon traffic. of course V& Blain drag their feet in contacting the coordinators but since there isn’t a 4.5 match again till Sunday, they justify it.

Emailing back n forth with the coordinator shows that he is not only lazy (as he showed to my request) but that he is unwilling to help players. Granted, it clearly states on the website that if you cannot play on Friday, please advise. It also clearly states that due to the format you may only enter 1 singles and 1 doubles and at the same NTRP level. V&B’s opponents were each in 2 doubles event and the woman was playing at 2 NTRP levels. They even asked to start later, V and I would have to set land speed records to make it, but he refused stating he would have to staff that time period and other such lamesauce. BUT WAIT he had people playing at 8pm that night at that location so his story was BULL SHIT! The only reason, that we could find, for such blatant disreguard was that Blain had beaten this guy in a Grand Prix and so he may be holding a grudge, but even that was a bit far fetched.

Nancy finally got to play on Sunday, lost at singles to her Doubles partner. They won the doubles, YAY, so I guess that balances out. Back to Yuba City, nick lost 3-0 in Men’s singles, Danielle went 2 sets and tie break to lose 10-7 in Singles. Fortunatly they won doubles, but by no means destroying thier opponents… more to come on this in the next post

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